I had a long discussion with my closet friend last night about the power control of relationships, all relationships. I explained how it was this split moment in which someone has to take responsibility over the situation in order for it NOT to result in the outcome that both people involved feel would be self destructive to the circumstances. Is the reality of what you feel and it existing that exposes us to the truth and the responsibility of both, but realistically one person saying this is what we are, this is my intentions, what are yours? But we don't do this, none of us do this. We give each other the reason of a doubt and never question motives until it is too late and someone, usually the more logical person, who indirectly has been assigned that responsibility by both involved never took control of the situation and stop it before it got to the place in which their was a misunderstanding or someone was hurt.
I will use my personal experience as an example:
My ex was the most attractive woman that I had ever dated. She was also the rudest, the most inconsiderate at times, and verbally abusive. Now I must be honest with myself to acknowledge that I would never had accepted this behavior from any of the other women that I had dated before her. Yet, she was someone I felt I would have never had a chance in hell with and this was just the shit I had to deal with to be in this relationship, because as I justified her behavior she was also gorgeous and one of the smartest people I had ever met. She on the other hand never thought she was beautiful or smart and actually had incredibly low self esteem and was even dealing with depression as a result of this negative self image she felt toward herself.
I would try my best to assure her that I wasn't going anywhere and that she was all I wanted, however, in the meantime she would put me down and disrespect me to destroy my self esteem and create an even stronger sense of low self worth.
Quite effective, yet when it came time to face reality of what was; instead of what could be I admitted to myself that this was a person that I couldn't be with because it was going to kill me, I would have done anything to make her happy and make her realize how much I loved and respected her as a human being, first, and as my significant other second. When I acknowledged that I was not given the same respect and she had issues that would only destroy us both I had to take responsibility and remove myself from the situation, and save her from herself to come to terms with the reality that this was not a healthy relationship.
I remember the first thing I asked her when we met, What is your intentions with me??? She said she just wanted to sleep with me, but that something happened that she felt more could come from this relationship than just sex. I admitted that this was my first authentic, self motivated relationship that I would work at to maintain, and I will be the first to admit that I'm not perfect and I made mistakes, and even said a couple things that I now regret, but it was real and the reality of it was that we didn't belong together. This I knew a week into it, but I ignored my responsibility and continued on with the relationship.
So the truth of the matter was we know when something isn't right at the beginning but for several reasons, mostly selfish reasons we go through with it and allow it to take form, yet struggle with the consequences of the actions that follow that decision. Don't take responsibility when shit hits the fan and deal with the hurt, pain, guilt, self esteem issues, hatred, sadness, regret then. Control the wrongness at the began, either it can be fixed or not, but if its not right than don't go through with it. Your ego is what keeps you there and your ego is what will suffer the most when it turns out just as it felt like it would at the beginning.
Being completely honest with everyone will make you feel like the craziest bitch alive.
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