This title is in honor of my friend that has 'special' titles for the days of the week blogging about his amazing life, so I decided in honor of him and this blog site that he put me on too I would respect him by titling my blog for Wednesday as 'Say it ain't so, Wednesday'.
So yesterday evening I found out that I was officially a second-time graduate from EMU. This is a huge honor but one that comes with some strife and frustration from myself, my family, and my peers. First, I'm hard on myself when it comes to accomplishments and just general pleasure out of making a significant achievement, but I will basket in this moment for a minute but then the high pitch tones of family comes through my daydreams to reveal the realities of my life:
1. I'm 25 years old, and I live with my mother after not living at home for more than 5 years.
2.I have now two degrees and have one part-time job with no benefits.
3.My credit card debt is nothing I can brush off and ignore. I have two credit cards now.
4.I have a part-time job and have 12 bills to pay a month.
5.My cousins who don't have any higher education experience all have decent jobs with benefits.
6.I'm afarid of succeeding.
7.I don't beleive in myself enough.
8.I don't think that I am capable or even more capable of being successful like my peers.
9.I don't want to grow the fuck up, but I consider myself an adult.
10. My family is my foundation and I take finanical and emotional advantage of this, which is somewhat related to my need to grow up.
11.I take on the too much and can never say no to anyone.
12.Especially women.
13.I hurt more than I let on, and some people would be surprise with how much I can relaly take.
14.I dwell way to much in self pity.
15.I focus on things that don't matter.
16.I don't question "authority" enough.
17.I will stand for a stranger before I stand up for myself.
18.I love hard at a fault.
19.I worry about what people think too much.
20.I don't love me like and as much as I should.
Next,for someone that has fallen victim to love and now a proclaimed survivor of it, I am labeled as the love,relationship guru throughout work. A lot of the staff and youth come to me for advice. Mostly about, relationships and communication and how you can't have one without the other. We discuss the need to communicate and to not just talk but to understand, make sure your partner understands you, if you think the relationship is worth the time it may take to help them understand. The best policy is honest and trust and without either nothing can truly come out of the situation as the best interest for either partner equally.
I must say that as someone that rushed to fast into love and did foolish things to keep that person , to a point of compromising myself and my ingerity I had to learn the hard way that love is what effort you put into it and how much you are willing to commit yourself. Most of the time it is revealed that it was not worth it and we go into love blind-sided by what we rushed to feel and never examined the full impact on what that love really was, becuase what could be revealed to us is that the love that we thought was there was a love that at closer examination belonged to someone else.
On Closer Examination
Checking the vitals on what could be
Scoping the route on the path that we should take
Feeling our way through each other hearts
Probing at the meaty parts
Grazing over some smooth curves, quick turns and intense looks
Excited by the rapid heart beats that become one
Pleasured by the moments of ecstasy that in hind-sight turns you on
Easing your way off the high, normalcy cautiously holding on
Craving the touch that hasn’t been felt in some time
Focusing in on clues that have gaps yet are not the affect
Searching for the cause of what you felt
Hypothesizing what are believed to be the obvious results
Diagnosed that on closer examination it was never what you thought
I digress... Good night.
